and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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