It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I believe in your delicious
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
