He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
