Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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