Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
