Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
