ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
