i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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