Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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