when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
