do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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