successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
