Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Buhtt sex?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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