dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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