My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
