Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
