two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
