Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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