I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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