He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
