your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
