i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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