this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
