He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
