Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
