i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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