dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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