shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
