We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
