if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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