I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Text me some of your sweat
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
