I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
