My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
