I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
