You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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