Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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