My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
