Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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