i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
