Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
