it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
