Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
