So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
