Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
