its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
