Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The best revenge is premature balding
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
