Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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