Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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