remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
