The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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