i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
