Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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