Already got asked if we're dating
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
