HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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