my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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