do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
