The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
