im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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