Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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