We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
