I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
