I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
