hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
