Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
