I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
